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Robert’s Inbox, circa Robert’s Rebellion
Sidebar: I DID NOT REALIZE SO MANY PEOPLE WOULD LIKE THE FIRST ONE. Thank you so much!!!! I’m definitely going to keep making these, so please make requests :D
(seriously, though. ajfalksjefo;ijsfesio. so many notes! THANK YOU)
(via itsinthetrees)
- stannis baratheon spent his life trying to be more noble than his gross brother and his reward was jon arryn trying to send the repulsive sweetrobin to dragonstone to foster
- one time stannis baratheon went to a whorehouse to see robert’s baby and was like ‘oh this bastard child is so cute and not covered in grey rotting facial scales like my baby was’
- literally the best thing that has ever happened to stannis baratheon was meeting an evil vagina monster
- once when he asked robert why he didn’t get to rule storm’s end, robert just looked at him and laughed and laughed and laughed until his face was covered in robert-spit and then they just sort of ate dinner in silence
- the only song sung about stannis baratheon is an allegorical ballad about a grumpy lobster with no friends
- stannis is often woken in the middle of the night by patchface sliding under the covers to croon a sad sad song into his ear
- there is room under the covers because selyse has not slept in stannis’s bed in years
- this one time walder frey was desperately looking for a girl to marry off one of his kids to and he looked at shireen and was like ‘noooooope, not good enough’
- back when they were young strapping lads, renly got more pussy than stannis did
- and the saddest fact of all: stannis baratheon’s only friend is davos seaworth
(via hotpielookedlikehotpie)
All your life you’ve used fear to control people. Like your friends Mai and Ty Lee.
(via nickelodeonkids)
Kickass Kids of the Day: Craving a midweek pick-me-up? Perhaps in the form of a mini-hipster rendition of Robyn’s “Call Your Girlfriend”?
Twelve- and 8-year-old sisters Lennon and Maisy — and their butter containers — have you covered. You’re welcome.
(via bbutterfield)
(Source: narniacametrue, via for-aslan-forever)
It’s actually a good thing that the zombie apocalypse starts in Florida because then the zombies only have one way to go and that’s straight up into trigger happy redneck territory. I give it two weeks before monster trucks and mullets save us.
(via sotpstop)
“You may call yourself a squire,” she told him, “but I’ve seen pages half your age who could have beat you bloody. If you stay with me, you’ll go to sleep with blisters on your hands and bruises on your arms most every night, and you’ll be so stiff and sore you’ll hardly sleep. You don’t want that.”
“I do,” the boy insisted. “I want that. The bruises and the blisters. I mean, I don’t, but I do. Ser. My lady.”
(Source: thurber, via marberytyphoon)
